This time last year I was staring at my editorial calendar, pondering what to blog about at Christmastime without appearing crass or opportunistic. Asking loyal readers and inquisitive visitors to hire me for their last-minute holiday copywriting needs seemed the wrong thing to do.
So what did I decide to blog about? I honed in on the Dr. Seuss “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” animated television special from my childhood and let Boris Karloff’s dulcet, duplicitous tones lead the way. If you’re curious enough to take a look at “How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Corporate Style” (it wasn’t a hard reach, trust me), go right ahead.
Not wanting my business readers and subscribers to think me lazy this Christmas, I knew I needed to “take another tack,” to quote Jim Garner from a little-known gem of a film, Murphy’s Romance.
All the online advice I read regarding the use of statistics in blog post headlines started swirling in my head: “6 Catastrophic Reasons Why Your Blog Sucks and How to Rectify Them!”; “The 4 Surefire Ways to Collect an Overdue Payment That Don’t Result in a Restraining Order Against You!”; “Your 24-Hour Emergency Plan for Following Up after a Disastrous Sales Call!”
Oh my, the list (and all those saved links) could go on and on. Then I noticed the most prolific of all Christmas numbers winking at me from many a headline: the number twelve (12). This was a serious moment of SEO clarity! And so I present to you, with much holiday cheer and affection…
The Twelve (12) Days of Business Christmas
On the first day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: full payment in less than 30 (net)!
On the second day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: two extended deadlines and full payment in less than 30!
On the third day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the fourth day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the fifth day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the sixth day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: six guest blog posts-a-displaying, five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the seventh day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: seven project quotes-a-pending, six guest blog posts-a-displaying, five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the eighth day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: eight Facebook updates-a-liking, seven project quotes-a-pending, six guest blog posts-a-displaying, five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the ninth day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: nine Google+ posts plussing (grammar police – please arrest me NOW), eight Facebook updates-a-liking, seven project quotes-a-pending, six guest blog posts-a-displaying, five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the tenth day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: ten LinkedIn endorsements-a-leaping, nine Google+ posts plussing, eight Facebook updates-a-liking, seven project quotes-a-pending, six guest blog posts-a-displaying, five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the eleventh day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: eleven Pinterest boards pinning, ten LinkedIn endorsements-a-leaping, nine Google+ posts plussing, eight Facebook updates-a-liking, seven project quotes-a-pending, six guest blog posts-a-displaying, five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
On the twelfth day of business Christmas my best client gave to me: twelve referrals ripening, eleven Pinterest boards pinning, ten LinkedIn endorsements-a-leaping, nine Google+ posts plussing, eight Facebook updates-a-liking, seven project quotes-a-pending, six guest blog posts-a-displaying, five (GOLDEN) inbound links; four Twitter Retweets, three networking shout-outs, two extended deadlines, and full payment in less than 30!
I realize this new version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” may take some time to catch on with the general public. Here’s the original for those who will accept no other. If you’re a diehard Bob & Doug McKenzie fan from the Great White North, tap the Canadian version for a cold, frosty one… (BEER!)
For other famous renditions and parodies of “The Twelve Days,” look no further than this great Music Times link. (It includes versions from John Denver and the Muppets, Burl Ives, and Jeff Foxworthy – redneck style.) I’ll end my link love with “12 Things You Might Not Know About ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas'” from my esteemed colleagues at Mental Floss. As Burl Ives would say, “Have a holly, jolly Christmas!”
Lori Shapiro is the owner of By All Writes LLC, a business-to-business (B2B) writing, editing, and research company in Marlton, New Jersey. She revels in shielding her clients from the pain of writing their own print and web marketing copy. Call her (856-810-9764) or email her at lori@byallwrites.biz for a no-obligation project quote today!
That was wonderful, Lori! I hope you enjoy your day, whatever you do (and I think I know what you’ll be doing).
Hi Tobi,
I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I’m never quite sure how this type of blog post will “fly” with my readership (i.e., not enough practical business or writing tips, too much entertainment). Yesterday was my parents’ wedding anniversary, so we treated them to dinner at the Chinese restaurant of their choice. See you in 2014!
Regards,
Lori
Oh my! You had me laughing from the first line. Many many thank yous for this post! Gifted writer, gifted words. Thanks for this Christmas present.
Hi Kristine,
You’re quite welcome! So glad I could give you a Christmas gift that doesn’t require a return at a nearby mall. Wishing you a healthy and prosperous 2014…
thank you! this was so great, made me laugh also…
enjoy your writing.
Best wishes to you and yours for 2014
Hi Carol-Anne,
Thanks for visiting By All Writes and the Moonlight Blog! This particular post was indeed meant to make you laugh (so, mission accomplished). And thank you for the compliment regarding my writing capabilities – best wishes right back at you for a healthy and prosperous 2014 :-).
Regards,
Lori
Very entertaining post, thank you. I’m finding that there are not too many people doing business post Christmas so it gives me time to enjoy and respond to posts of interest. “Murphy’s Romance”, what a great reference, I love that movie. I often think of it when my wife and I are doing dishes and I want to ask her “am I supposed to just rub of what you don’t wash off?”
Hi John,
Thanks for visiting By All Writes and my blog – I believe this is your first time. It’s good to know I’m not the only person who appreciates the humor of “Murphy’s Romance” and all the great dialogue written for James Garner. Please stop back in 2014 – happy almost New Year!
Regards,
Lori