Bodacious Business Horoscopes: Career-Climbing Capricorn!

Don't let ambitious Capricorns get your goat; they're the hardest-working people you'll ever meet.
Don’t let ambitious Capricorns get your goat; they’re the hardest-working people you’ll ever meet.

The final “Bodacious Business Horoscopes” entry of 2015 salutes the most nimble and career-oriented of all zodiac signs, Capricorn the Goat.

The graceful Goat scampers across the astrological skies from December 21 (or 22) until January 20, always in search of the next project to master.

I’ll wager that the self-possessed mid-level managers (and other employees) who make things happen at your company without seeking the limelight are predominately Capricorns.

Disclaimer: This post is a parody of Western astrology. By All Writes isn’t responsible for any end-of-year crises that erupt as a result of this profile about the Goats nibbling their way through your payroll. Please be advised that “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”

Capricorn Is the Cardinal Earth Sign–Here’s What It Means for Your Business: As we learned via Cancer the Crab, a cardinal sign is the calling card of astrological “scouts” who lead and influence others. However, they’re not always a business’s front person or mouthpiece.

According to my ever-faithful The Zodiac Little Giant® Encyclopedia, Capricorn’s earthy cardinal status

“can be likened to the oldest and most valuable tree in the forest…The cardinal signs must put their resources to good use. Earth resources represent practical skills: material, financial, and social resources that can be used to further an ambition.”

Goats Get to Where They Want to Be Career-Wise By Outlasting Their Competition: This particular sun sign is well matched with its animal symbol. Goats live to reach the mountaintop, especially in their professional life.

My friends at have captured Capricorn in one essential observation: “Life is one big project for these folks.”

Don’t be fooled by Capricorn’s industrious nature. This worker bee expects a proper reward (social status, recognition, and/or hard-earned cash) in return for nonstop output.

Dominated by its earth element, the Goat sometimes immerses him/herself in materialistic things, but is dignified enough not to get too crazy. You can always count on Capricorn to retain a grasp on reality and get back to work.

Best gifts for your Goat cronies at the office: a lumbar-support cushion or ergonomically kind chair, a painting or lithograph of a famous mountain peak, project-management software such as Basecamp or Clarizen, and cash. (Not a check, not a money order, not a gift card–cash.)

Capricorns Are the Hardest-Working Beasts in Your Office Menagerie: In general, employees and leaders whose sun sign falls into Capricorn’s house are kindred spirits with James Brown. They are enterprising people, regardless of industry or profession. Depend on them to arrive early and stay late.

Your Goats’ most positive traits: good organizational skills, pragmatic outlook, scrupulously detail oriented, calculates risks before acting, respects authority, values family and tradition.

Per The Zodiac Little Giant Encyclopedia:

“Surefooted and thoroughly practical, in the end the Capricorn goat always reaches the heights, beating others who are faster but less determined.”

It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that Inigo Montoya of The Princess Bride is a Capricorn. A master swordsman temporarily distracted by the revenge business, he never gives up his quest to find the six-fingered man who killed his father.

In the end, Inigo’s relentless pursuit led his quarry to declare with astonishment, “Good heavens. Are you still trying to win?”

Whether related to you by blood or nondisclosure agreement, diligent Capricorn will be the one to put the finishing touches on a big proposal or presentation AND ensure it lands safely the next morning.

The Goat Is a Stubborn Perfectionist, So Watch Out for Those Horns: All zodiac signs have their negative traits, and Capricorn is no exception. As long as you share their vision, Capricorns are happy to scramble up precarious peaks for you.

But beware the moment you dare to disagree. You’ll feel like a gunslinger on the wrong side of the law in Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven.

Your male and female Goats can be: egotistical, demanding, unforgiving, driven by internal fears when making decisions, never satisfied (especially if something isn’t his/her idea), and a status seeker.

Also: A typical Capricorn seethes (inside) with fury when embarrassed in public. It’s best to save any constructive criticism for the privacy of your office or other one-on-one venue.

Out-In-Front Business Owners Rely on Capricorns to Excel in Private: The Goat prefers scaling his or her personal Mount Everest away from the lights and sounds of public appearance, despite a desire for success.

Professions that Capricorns find appealing range far and wide. Per The Zodiac Little Giant Encylopedia:

“They generally make good bankers, systems analysts, accountants, researchers, dentists, architects, engineers, manufacturers, and politicians. Many Capricorns are also jewelers, funeral directors, art dealers, anthropologists, and managers or musicians and other entertainers…their quiet, unflappable natures are perfect for serious work under pressure.”

Ye gods–Capricorns are the most diverse professionals under one sun sign! These driven individuals, past and present, might sound familiar:

Elizabeth Arden, who created a billion-dollar cosmetics/skin-care behemoth, one red door at a time (starting with New York City’s Fifth Avenue)…

Clarissa “Clara” Barton, the Civil War volunteer nurse (and legendary “Angel of the Battlefield”) who founded the American Red Cross…

Jeff Bezos, who started a little online bookstore called Amazon (and purchased The Washington Post in 2013)…

Conrad Hilton, founder of the well-known hotel empire. Sadly, his name is also associated with a certain great-granddaughter who dabbled in sex tapes and the TV-reality-show lifestyle…

Howard Hughes, known for making his millions in aviation and film production. As Las Vegas’s most famous recluse, he had an aversion to germs…

Jonah Peretti, co-founder of The Huffington Post as well as founder of the massively popular BuzzFeed news/entertainment website…

Elvis Presley, the soulful singer who loved his mama. Upon permanently leaving the building, he (and Graceland) became a cottage industry…

A Completely Speculative Business Interpretation of Capricorn’s Astral Assets: Here’s something you don’t see every day–a business interpretation of a zodiac sign’s ruling planet, lucky day, lucky numbers, and primary colors.

When hiring new employees, please refrain from asking about these astrological bits and pieces during the interview process:

Ruling Planet = Saturn (In the astrological world, this is the planet of “fate, time, sorrow, caution, and wisdom.” Oh my…)

Lucky Day = Saturday (Saturn, Saturday, it all means one thing for this zodiac sign: starting and finishing a home-improvement project in one day.)

Luckiest Number = 4 (According to, this is the Goat’s favorite number. As a golf enthusiast, Capricorn hears “Fore!”)

Primary Colors = indigo, violet, and other dark colors (Give your Capricorns decorative gifts in these rich, mostly conservative colors.)

Final Snide Commentary on Capricorn the Goat by the Author of Born on a Rotten Day: Per astrologer Hazel Dixon-Cooper (her “snarkiness” reminds me of Miss Jane Austen), “Goats don’t have lives; they have careers.”

I suppose it’s hard to disagree. All that scaling of professional heights and climbing of corporate Matterhorns has to lead somewhere.

Hazel’s commentary regarding Capricorn leaders and employees:

“Every Capricorn boss is a distant relative of Simon Legree…This boss will walk by your desk five minutes before quitting time to make sure you haven’t left early…His office looks like his home, because he spends more time there…Capricorn coworkers are quiet, hardworking, and inconspicuous…You can bet that any Capricorn who has worked for the same company for more than ten years has steadily worked his or her way right up through the rank and file…All Goats have the same agenda, to keep gaining power and status.”


Does Capricorn the Goat rule your birth date? If so, did this profile set off any alarm bells for you regarding accuracy? What other interpretive traits would you add to this zodiac sign from a business perspective?

For those of you with a birthday in another house: If your special day occurs on or after June 22 during the calendar year, please see my previous “Bodacious Business Horoscopes.”

Next up: We’ll welcome 2016 with help from a most notorious nonconformist–Aquarius the Water Bearer. In the meantime, please share this post with the tenacious Capricorn working by your side or in the next office or cubicle…

Lori Shapiro is the owner of By All Writes LLC, a business-to-business (B2B) writing, editing, and research company in Marlton, New Jersey. She revels in shielding her clients from the pain of writing their own print or web marketing and educational copy. Please call Lori Shapiro at 856-810-9764 or e-mail By All Writes LLC at  for a no-obligation project quote today!

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