The “Bodacious Business Horoscopes” blog series enters its third-to-last orbit via the zodiac’s most rambunctious leader: Aries the Ram.
This impressive competitor goes 12 rounds daily in his or her portable boxing ring from March 20/21 until April 19.
In need of a true believer who doesn’t peddle in political correctness and will enthusiastically defend your company all the way to buyout or bankruptcy? Aries is the battering ram you’ve been searching for, my friend.
Disclaimer: This post is a parody of Western astrology. By All Writes isn’t responsible for any delayed grumblings about Daylight Saving Time as a result of this month’s profile regarding the Ariens on your payroll.
Please be wary of anyone in the office who mutters “ramming speed!” when approaching you…
Aries Is the Zodiac’s Cardinal Fire Sign–Here’s What It Means for Your Business: As the zodiac’s first sign as well as a cardinal sign, Aries releases much energy into the universe. These corporate ramblers are a restless lot. A fiery nature propels them to reach the finish line first, no matter the ramifications.
My esteemed astrological sherpa, The Zodiac Little Giant® Encyclopedia, offers an accurate assessment of the Aries persona:
“It can be likened to a fire which gives direction, such as in a rocket, a gun, or an engine. Superman and Superwoman, who can propel themselves in any direction, are good metaphors of Aries energy. Fire is a process that causes change and Aries uses energy to bring about changes. Being a cardinal sign, Aries is the most energetic of the fire signs and usually takes the initiative.”
The Race Belongs to the Swiftest, Which Is Usually an Aries: Those Rams surrounding you at work rarely stray from their quasi-affiliated Greek-mythology connection: Ares, the god of war.
An Arien’s push for dominance can be relentless. But some of that boundless energy masks a secret fear of not being liked, even when the Ram secures a new client/account for your company or wins a sales competition.
Best gifts for your rammy men and lady friends: A copy of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, an authentic NASCAR checkered flag, a CD or flash-drive compilation of songs with the word “fire” in the title, and an orchestra conductor’s baton.
Aries Is Your Fearless Leader in All Kinds of Business Cycles: If an Aries can’t light the symbolic fire necessary to push an employee (or even a superior) to take action regarding a business decision, don’t count on any other zodiac sign to get it done.
The amount of energy an Arien exudes is more than enough to convince even the most meek to stand and deliver. And because Rams are willing to work crazy-long hours, they’re likely to spark and inspire that type of extreme dedication in others.
Your Ariens’ most positive traits include: bold leadership, energetic, readily faces challenges, will take risks and defend the vulnerable, continues when others around him/her give up, has faith in people.
Whether related to you by blood or non-disclosure agreement, an Aries makes things happen. Be prepared to go with the changing flow in your workplace. These astrological juggernauts just might own a copy of Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s first inaugural address, tucked away for inspirational purposes.
However, an Aries Is the Last One to Heed Warnings of Impending Corporate Doom: All zodiac signs have their negative traits, and Aries is no exception.
Never doubt that the Rams working with or for you will get going (to a client’s office, to the airport, to FedEx before last call, etc.) when the going gets rough. However, there are precautions to consider when hanging with these head-butting butt-kickers.
Less-than-stellar traits associated with Aries: a bossy disposition, highly selective listening skills, dislikes being told what to do, brash and impulsive decision-making, cloudy judgement of others’ character, a confrontational style, a tendency to abandon projects before completion.
Rams Excel at Leading Others and Kick-Starting New Ventures: Enamored with positions of authority, an Aries revels in leading a company or supervising a department/staff.
Rams remain enthusiastic and interested when they’re the ones in charge! These are the intrepid souls who will take up the challenge of an unexplored opportunity on behalf of your business. They are best at initiating, but they allow others to fill in the necessary details.
Aries bosses and employees tend to favor recruitment work, training careers, the theater, start-ups, politics, sports, and military jobs with advancement opportunities.
The proud and fearless herd of famous Ariens includes:
Steve Ballmer, former Microsoft CEO (and current owner of the Los Angeles Clippers) who was Bill Gates’s 30th employee…
A. Bartlett Giamatti, English professor and Yale University president who briefly served as Major League Baseball’s commissioner (and yes, father of Paul Giamatti)…
Ingvar Kamprad, Swedish entrepreneur who developed the shipping flat-pack (in 1953) and started a DIY furniture company called Ikea…
Akira Kurosawa, the revered Seven Samurai filmmaker who continues to inspire a legion of 21st-century movie directors…
Danica Patrick, popular auto-racing driver who propelled GoDaddy into the domain-name stratosphere but now finds herself in the danger zone…
Frances Perkins, the first woman to serve in a U.S. president’s cabinet; she’s also the namesake of Frances “Baby” Houseman in Dirty Dancing…
Paul Robeson, Rutgers University alum who did it ALL: athlete, civil rights activist, actor, football player, singer, lawyer…
Gloria Steinem, iconic feminist and co-founder of Ms. magazine who jolted her early journalism career as an undercover Playboy bunny…
A Completely Speculative Business Interpretation of Aries’s Astral Assets: Here’s something you don’t see every day–a business interpretation of a zodiac sign’s ruling planet, lucky day, lucky numbers, and primary colors.
When hiring new employees, please refrain from requesting these astrological gummy snacks during the interview process:
Ruling Planet = Mars (Well, not for nothing is this planet also the name of Roman mythology’s god of war.)
Lucky Day = Tuesday (This day’s name comes from Tiw’s Day, traced even further back to Tyr, the Norse god of war and law.)
Lucky Numbers = 9, 18, 27, 36, 45, and so on (Do you detect a “number nine” pattern here? Apparently, Ariens have as many winning opportunities as cats have lives…)
Primary Colors = Scarlet red, black, and white (The next time you step inside an Aries’s office or work area, you might notice this bold, all-or-nothing color scheme on the walls.)
Final Snide Commentary on Aries the Ram by the Author of Born on a Rotten Day: I leave it to the most satirical astrologer on Earth, Hazel Dixon-Cooper, to quench the Arien’s fire-breathing tendencies in the workplace.
According to Dixon-Cooper, Yosemite Sam is an Aries businessman’s or businesswoman’s role model of choice:
“Whether dynamo or dud, the Aries boss thinks he or she was born to lead. This is the glad-handing, quick-tempered, finger-in-every-pie, eye-on-every-desk management type…You will always know where you stand with the Ram. He makes the rules. You obey. He develops strategy. You carry it out … Aries must win. It’s a compulsion. You will become the Enemy, whether or not you deserve the title. It feeds their overactive egos, justifies their bad behavior, and eases the guilt (like the kid caught at the cookie jar) they nearly always feel.”
Does Aries the Ram rule your birthdate? If so, did this profile trigger any disagreeable head-butting activity from you regarding accuracy? What other interpretive traits would you add to this zodiac sign from a business perspective?
For those of you with a birthday dwelling in another house, it’s likely I’ve already dissected your astrological profile in a previous blog post. Toward the end of April, we’ll grab a brawny bovine by the horns: Taurus the Bull.
Lori Shapiro is the owner of By All Writes LLC, a business-to-business (B2B) company in Marlton, New Jersey, that plies its trade via copywriting, editing, and other content-marketing services. She revels in shielding her clients from the time-consuming pain of writing their own print or web marketing and promotional copy.
Please call Lori Shapiro of By All Writes LLC at 856-810-9764 (or e-mail her via firstname.lastname@example.org) to schedule the gratis 20-minute consultation that will resolve your current copywriting or editing dilemma…