Bodacious Business Horoscopes: Tenacious Taurus!

You mess with a Taurus at work, you'll surely get "the horns," eventually...
You mess with a Taurus at work, you’ll surely get “the horns,” eventually…

We’re close to finishing this series’s astrological orbit via the zodiac system’s most patient business professional: Taurus the Bull. But please, don’t confuse a Taurean’s bony head extensions with the “rammy” pair of horns we locked with last month.

Considered the primary pragmatist of all 12 houses, the Bull methodically runs the field from April 19/20 through May 20. Count on a Taurus to tell you plainly what is and isn’t feasible at your company.

Disclaimer: This post is a parody of Western astrology. By All Writes LLC isn’t responsible for any unexpected bullfights that break out on the premises due to this month’s profile about the Taureans on your payroll.

If you think it will help, stock up on red capes…

Taurus Is the Zodiac’s Fixed Earth Sign–Here’s What It Means for Your Business: As a “down in the dirt” fixed sign, Taurus moves slowly and has deep-running roots.

These are your company’s long-view thinkers–the people who take their time assessing a situation. They aim for the best outcome by way of prudent decision-making.

A grounded comparison comes from my astrological sherpa since last June–The Zodiac Little Giant® Encyclopedia:

“It [Taurus] can be likened to an ancient rain forest full of enduring trees and rare plants that is teeming with the beauty of life … This sign represents an enduring, practical reality.”

Let a Taurus Be the Bearer of Bad News at Work: A Taurean’s temperament is closer to that of Ferdinand the Bull, not the bulls you might be tempted to run with in Pamplona.

It’s rare for Tauruses to lose their equilibrium during stressful situations. They handle emergencies with calm aplomb. You should feel confident when delegating an unpleasant task to these employees and peers.

All they expect in return is the proper reward: your complete loyalty. (They also appreciate small but tasteful gifts…)

It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that Andre the Giant, Harvey Keitel (who’s also a “Wolfe”) and Tammy Wynette were/are all Taureans. (It does take a lot of patience to “stand by your man,” especially when he’s done you wrong…)

Best gifts for your Taurus matadors and toreadors: A cozy fleece (or cashmere) blanket, an elegant box of their favorite chocolates or sweet treats, a traditional desk nameplate or pen/pencil set, a one-of-a-kind antique related to their profession, or an eternity pool.

No One Does Cautious Thinking Better Than a Taurean, But…: The Bulls in your office work steadily toward a goal. It’s wise to solicit a Taurus’s opinion, particularly during a project’s planning phase. They sensibly respect being well-respected men (or women).

Your Taureans’ most positive traits: attentive, dependable, steadfast loyalty, calm and patient, a careful approach to responsibilities, valuing others’ talents.

Whether related to you by blood or non-disclosure agreement, Taurus readily meets any challenge to produce the best possible results.

Think of that nearby Taurean as a real-life version of corporate raider Edward Lewis from Pretty Woman. In the film, he stays in the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel’s penthouse suite, despite his fear of heights. Because: It’s the best!

…Never Put Taurus in Charge of a Lightning-Quick Decision: All zodiac signs have their negative traits, and Taurus is no exception. By all means, consult with your male and female Bulls when meticulous, level-headed thinking is what you need.

But keep this in mind: If you push too hard on Taureans for a rapid-fire decision (or intrude with constant interruptions), they’re likely to reach their bullish boiling point. And I promise you, it won’t be pleasant. As inmate Ellis Boyd Redding said in The Shawshank Redemption, “…every man has his breaking point.”

Less-than-stellar traits associated with Taurus: self-indulgent tendencies, can be stubborn, sometimes too brief in conversation, lengthy pondering can lead to inaction, sometimes boring, somewhat materialistic.

Professions with an Eye on the Long-Term Prize Appeal to Taurus: I doubt you’ll be shocked to know these systematic thinkers have an affinity for finance and banking. A Bull’s advice is worth the wait.

Other career paths that beckon the Taurean include farming, architecture, interior design, construction, and “any occupation that involves the shrewd acquisition of land, investments, or goods.” (The Zodiac Little Giant Encyclopedia)

I’m sure these Bulls have grazed upon your attention span from time to time:

Jessica Alba, actress of Dark Angel fame who’s also the founder of the Honest Company…

Mary Kay Ash, that feisty gal from Hot Wells, Texas, who founded Mary Kay Cosmetics; she had a thing for pink cars…

Bono, U2’s impassioned front man who launched 2004’s global ONE campaign and 2006’s Product (Red) fund-raising brand…

Susanne Klatten, the German billionaire heiress to BMW’s automotive empire and alleged victim of a sordid 2008 sex-tape blackmail scandal…

Issey Miyake, edgy Japanese fashion designer (and septuagenarian) who created Steve Jobs’s iconic black turtlenecks…

Neil Patel, online-marketing guru and prolific blogger who co-founded Crazy Egg, Hello Bar, and KISSmetrics…

Mark Zuckerberg, whose social-media behemoth of a company, Facebook, started out as Facemash…

A Completely Speculative Business Interpretation of Taurus’s Astral Assets: Here’s something you don’t see every day–a business interpretation of a zodiac sign’s ruling planet, lucky day, lucky numbers, and primary colors.

When hiring new employees, please refrain from asking about such astrological minutia during the interview process:

Ruling Planet = Venus (Men may be from Mars, but male Taureans accept their inner goddess of love, affection, and values…)

Lucky Day = Friday (Count on a Bull to diligently return one last client call before starting the weekend with an upscale dining experience…)

Lucky Numbers = 6, 15, 24, 33, 42, 51, etc. (Because Taureans excel at working with numbers, it figures they like to count by nines…)

Primary Colors = Pastel shades and blues (You’ll rarely observe a Bull wearing red; the sight of it may cause a stampede…)

Final Snide Commentary on Taurus the Bull by the Author of Born on a Rotten Day: My favorite astrologer, Hazel Dixon-Cooper, doesn’t sugarcoat her opinion of Taurus’s symbol: “The Bull. Bullish. Bullheaded. Raging Bull. Full of bull.”

The professional insight you’ve been searching for regarding Taurean bosses and employees comes wrapped in her barbed-wire commentary:

“A Taurus boss seems quiet, predictable, and steady. Never hear your Taurus boss utter a cross word, even when you are late, or call in sick every other Friday? … Your dream world is about to turn into nightmare city. A Taurus boss notices everything you do and eavesdrops as much as possible. … Bull are born dictators. … Taurus coworkers are not idea men and women. They are creatures of habit who like to do the same thing day in and day out. … They don’t gossip; they judge.”

Does Taurus the Bull rule your birthdate? If so, did this profile provoke you to let out a bullish snort or two regarding accuracy? What other interpretive traits would you add to this zodiac sign from a business perspective?

For those of you with a birthday dwelling in another house: This is my second-to-last “Bodacious Business Horoscopes” entry; your zodiac sign’s profile is most likely in my editorial calendar’s rearview mirror.

I’ll end my beleaguered series next month in the company of those will-o’-the-wisp twins: Gemini.

In the meantime, please share this post with the patient, slow-tempered Taurus working by your side or in the next cubicle…

Lori Shapiro is the owner of By All Writes LLC, a business-to-business (B2B) company in Marlton, New Jersey, that plies its trade via copywriting, editing, and other content-marketing services. She revels in shielding her clients from the time-consuming pain of writing their own print or web marketing and promotional copy.

Please call Lori Shapiro of By All Writes LLC at 856-810-9764 (or e-mail her via to schedule the gratis 20-minute consultation that will resolve your current copywriting or editing dilemma…

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