Tag Archives: business humor

Bodacious Business Horoscopes: Gregarious Gemini!

Be sure you're sending in the vivacious "Twin" when asking a Gemini to smooth ruffled feathers...
Be sure you’re sending in the vivacious “Twin” when asking a Gemini to smooth ruffled feathers…

My “Bodacious Business Horoscopes” series comes to a merciful halt with the zodiac’s dual-tracked, in-house charm consultant, Gemini (the Twins).

This high-octane communicator talks circles around all the other sun signs from May 20/21 to June 20/21.

Do you know someone who could attend a job interview partially prepared and come out on the other side with a firm offer (and a starting salary higher than anticipated)? That very special lady or gentleman is most likely a Gemini.

Disclaimer: This post is a parody of Western astrology. By All Writes isn’t responsible for any double-dealing regarding that huge contract your company just secured as a result of this month’s profile about the Geminis on your payroll.

You should know by now that Twins are natural “doublethinkers” (à la George Orwell’s 1984)…

Gemini Is the Zodiac’s Mutable Air Sign–Here’s What It Means for Your Business: Air combined with mutability equals an independent, adaptable person in search of the next great enlightenment. It’s hard to (mentally) pin down a Gemini!

Allow my faithful guide these past many months, The Zodiac Little Giant® Encyclopedia, to explain:

“It [Gemini] can be likened to the wind in that it is constantly on the move in all its variety. Air is a metaphor for the invisible thoughts and ideas that motivate Gemini, such as the intellect, the intuition, and the natural instincts.”

A Gemini’s Dual Nature Means You’re Working with Director Jekyll AND Manager Hyde: In the workplace, a Gemini pools viewpoints, moving quickly and adjusting as necessary to support (or reject) a project/initiative.

Be forewarned–you may not know which “Twin” will show up for a meeting or conference call. Geminis love to talk, but that doesn’t ensure they mean everything they say.

I bet “smooth operators” from Hollywood’s Golden Age like Errol Flynn and Tony Curtis as well as free-spirited dancer Isadora Duncan were all Geminis.

Best gifts for your “dynamic duo” guys and gals at work include: Rosetta Stone software, a custom emoji, an oxygen tank (for continuous, uninterrupted conversation), anything travel-oriented in yellow or orange, and multiple library cards.

When You Need a Client “Charm Offensive,” Send in a Gemini: Once a Twin wrangles you into a conversation, the only thing you’ll remember is the sound of your own voice saying “you’re so right” or “what an excellent idea!”

With a voracious appetite for knowledge, Geminis are idea-generating machines. They quickly filter and respond to client feedback with a quicksilver thought or suggestion.

Your Geminis’ most positive traits: entertaining and charming (d’oh!), curious knowledge-seeker, versatile, quick, youthful, inventive, open-minded.

Whether related to you by blood or non-disclosure agreement, a Gemini has more charm than Scarlett O’Hara and Professor Harold Hill combined. Or as Ruth Jamison told Idgie Threadgoode in Fried Green Tomatoes, “You’re just a bee charmer … That’s what you are, a bee charmer.”

When Working with a Restless Gemini, Check Your Email Often: All zodiac signs have their negative traits, and Gemini is no exception. Because these people are DBA “the Twins,” it’s doubly hard to keep up with their verbal misadventures.

Outwardly, Geminis exude a confidence most people don’t acquire until firm adulthood. It’s why they can soothe the most irate client with a few well-phrased bon mots. But the inward Gemini is a turbulent soul, contradicting him or herself at the exact moment you think you’ve reached agreement.

Less-than-stellar traits associated with Twins: restless and easily bored, can be impatient and irritable, they enjoy gossip, unpredictable duality, unwilling to commit, can be manipulative and immature.

Any Profession Requiring Rapid Thinking Is a Gemini’s Dream Job: True to the Twins’ persona, these folks have a split personality regarding career choices.

Witty and inquisitive, Geminis excel at communication. You’ll find them talking up a storm in PR, sales, teaching, writing, and media-related jobs. In addition to their quick, calculating minds, Twins also demonstrate physical dexterity. Some of them pursue medical or research careers; others evolve into artists or musicians.

Passionately enamored with words and rhetoric, don’t be surprised when certain Geminis turn out to be politicians or actors. You might have heard of these fast-thinking Twins:

Chuck Barris, exuberant creator and host of The Gong Show who later in life claimed to be a CIA assassin…

Gabrielle (Gabby) Giffords, former Arizona congresswoman who survived a 2011 mass shooting and is married to astronaut Mark Kelly…

Henry Kissinger, who escaped the Watergate era mostly intact to become the Republican “Yoda” of foreign policy…

Marissa Mayer, Yahoo’s current CEO, was Google’s19th employee (hired in 1999) and the company’s first female engineer…

Prince Rogers Nelson, aka Prince, aka the Purple One, aka the Love Symbol and “Slave,” aka Prince once more. “Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down? Oh no, let’s go!”

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, the famous twins (fraternal, not identical) who tag-team performed on Full House and recently founded couture fashion label The Row…

Donald Trump–perhaps you’ve heard of him? Out of respect for my readers, I’ll say no more than that…

Cornelius Vanderbilt, (aka “the Commodore”) who made millions as a railroad and shipping magnate; a university in Nashville, TN, bears his name…

A Completely Speculative Business Interpretation of Gemini’s Astral Assets: Here’s something you don’t see every day–a business interpretation of a zodiac sign’s ruling planet, lucky day, lucky numbers, and primary colors.

When hiring new employees, please refrain from asking about these astrological quirks during the interview process:

Ruling Planet = Mercury (Just like the eloquent, mischievous messenger of the Roman gods, Gemini is fleet of foot and glib of tongue…)

Lucky Day = Wednesday (If a multi-million-dollar product launch goes south in the middle of the week, a Gemini will assuredly “bury” it…)

Lucky Numbers = Gemini’s luckiest number is 5 (However, Twins would much rather gamble with their words…)

Primary Colors = Shades of yellow, orange, and saffron (But don’t ever serenade a Gemini at work with “[They Call Me] Mellow Yellow“…)

Final Snide Commentary on Gemini by the Author of Born on a Rotten Day: Leave it to snarky astrologer Hazel Dixon-Cooper to inspire me to end this blog series with a quote from 2016’s Gemini of the year: Donald J. Trump.

I couldn’t have planned this blog post any better, because The Donald has the GREATEST words:

“Everything in life to me is a psychological game, a series of challenges you either meet or don’t. I am always testing people who work for me.”

(You’ll never guess where this quote appeared first. Okay, I’ll tell you–in Trump’s March 1990 Playboy Magazine interview.)

According to Ms. Dixon-Cooper, a Gemini’s primary job qualifications are: causing double trouble, speaking in double-talk, living a double life, and double-crossing you:

“Working for a Gemini boss is either a breeze or a tempest. … The catch, and there always is one with Gemini, is that you will never be able to guess which Twin will show up. That’s because she doesn’t know, either. Having a Gemini coworker is like working with the invisible man. Twins are rarely at their desks because they are too busy schmoozing in the next department, ferreting out the latest gossip over the water cooler, or chatting over coffee in the boss’s office. … Since their paychecks are always short, Gems are constantly putting the touch on everyone for a few bucks to tide them over until payday.”


Does Gemini rule your birthdate? If so, did this profile trigger any double-palmed memes inside your head regarding accuracy? What other interpretive traits would you add to this zodiac sign from a business perspective?

Is this your first time reading a “Bodacious Business Horoscopes” blog post, but you’re not a Gemini? Your astrological profile awaits you in the By All Writes archives. Twelve zodiac signs equals twelve bodacious blog posts–one year’s worth of a blog series, dutifully fulfilled.

Any suggestions for my next yearlong blogging odyssey? Until I receive your reply, I will be waiting for Vizzini. Please share this final “Bodacious Business Horoscopes” with the charmingly chatty Gemini working by your side or in the next cubicle…

Lori Shapiro is the owner of By All Writes LLC, a business-to-business (B2B) company in Marlton, New Jersey, that plies its trade via copywriting, editing, and other content-marketing services. She revels in shielding her clients from the time-consuming pain of writing their own print or web marketing and promotional copy.

Please call Lori Shapiro of By All Writes LLC at 856-810-9764 (or e-mail her via lori@byallwrites.biz) to schedule the gratis 20-minute consultation that will resolve your current copywriting or editing dilemma…

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